“I know someone who will soon be under attack,” Secret Agent Man said into the phone.
5 miles away, atop Town Hall, sat Heroic Endeavor Dude, with perfect equanimity, listening to tonight’s first mission. Someone in Mockton was in danger. Secret Agent Man said there was a strange black figure scaling the side of the Mockton Nuclear Research Lab. The Lab had been doing some groundbreaking work on a new weapon. It was said to be the most ultimate weapon in the whole world and Secret Agent Man had been keeping his eye on the Lab for awhile now, knowing that it was only a matter of time before some evil-doer decided to pull some sort of chicanery. And tonight was the night. “I’ll be over in a jiffy,” responded Heroic Endeavor Dude.
Little did they know that lurking in the shadows of the night, only a block away from the Lab, was Good Effort Man. Good Effort Man was an officious character who was erudite with computers and had tapped all the phone and radio lines in the city so he could listen to what was going on. He intercepted every call between Secret Agent Man and Heroic Endeavor Dude. Good Effort Man had no super powers and was a bit clumsy, but he tried really hard. He was the sore in Heroic Endeavor Dude’s side, but had no idea he was being meddlesome, in fact, he thought they had a lot of fun fighting crime together. Good Effort Man had had a penchant for Heroic Endeavor Dude ever since he was a kid and now he just wanted to be part of the action. So every night, around 8 pm, he would top into Secret Agent Man’s phone line and get in on the night’s action. He shut the receiver off, turned on his jet-powered rollerblades and sputtered on over to the Lab.
Meanwhile, Heroic Endeavor Dude was peering into the third story window of the Research Lab where the strange black figure had taken off his mask and revealed himself to be Dr. Destructoid! Destructoid was a vicious enormity who wanted to take over the world and was also Heroic Endeavor Man’s arch enemy. Heroic Endeavor Dude had recently busted him when he had tried to steal the Hubble Telescope. Dr. Destructoid was going to try and use the reflective mirrors of the Telescope and laser technology to make the biggest laser in the entire world. Heroic Endeavor Dude was sure that Dr. Destructoid was here for the weapon and nothing else. From their episodic meetings, Heroic Endeavor Dude had noticed a pattern in Dr. Destructoid’s ways. As soon as Destructoid found what he came for, he liked to reveal his plan and bask in it’s greatness. This is the moment when Heroic Endeavor Dude would attack! He waited patiently in the shadows for his moment of glory.
Good Effort Man was experienceng severe ennui waiting for Heroic Endeavor Dude to make his first move. “What was he waiting for?” he thought, “Maybe Heroic Endeavor Dude was waiting for him to make the first move.” He assumed this to be true, turned his jet-powered rollerblades to the vertical setting and prematurely ejaculated into the third story window with the weapon and Destructoid.
“How nice to see you again.” equivocated Heroic Endeavor Dude as he watched Good Effort Man foil his plans once again. He went inside and saw Good Effort Man and Destructoid sprawled on the floor; Good Effort Man had taken himself and Destructoid out when he zoomed through the window. There was an odd ticking sound too. The source of the eerie ticking was the weapon. There was only five seconds left on the timer; Heroic Endeavor Dude looked at the weapon in defeat, knowing it was all over. A tear rolled down his cheek and he uttered a final epithet, “Shit Weazle.” And BAZOW! The weapon opened up a black hole and the world was swallowed whole, sucked into another dimension, never to be seen again.